​

​

Dear Reader,

Two weeks ago, I spent a whole afternoon trying on vintage fashion. It was part of my birth month celebrations that I couldn’t fit into the actual month.

As I was presenting yet another outfit to The Lady Baltimore, somehow the conversation turned towards a topic that fires up my heart:

“You’re a life coach; you are all about goals,” my host and fashion artist said enthusiastically.

“Yes,” I responded, equally enthused. “I am all about not having any. My goal is to have no goals!”

I could almost see a few brain cells in their head exploding: “Wait. What?”

One common misconception about coaching is that it is always about reaching “your full potential” and thus accomplishing ever growing goals. Oh, and of course you need to fix whatever is wrong with you so that you can always achieve all the goals.

My body is tightening up from my big toes to my throat just writing this.

I hate goals.

No, that’s not true. A dearly beloved, small (but loud) and afraid part of my brain hates goals. I have talked to her and I know why she is so afraid (my history of pursuing an unachievable goal until I literally sat crying in the gutter) and what she is afraid of (my history of giving up all personal joy in pursuit of said goal).

So, goal setting sends me into a freeze response.

At least when it comes to quantifiable, outcome goals. Like: “Have your novel finished by the end of the year.” And even what some consider process goals, aren’t working for me. Like: “Write 5,000 words every week.” Yes, it got me close to a finished novel, but after a while I felt trapped and the joy was gone and then I didn’t want to do it anymore. The manuscript has been sitting on a shelf and that’s okay. It’s quite happy there, waiting for the right moment to get a hold of my creativity again.

And you know what: Even without goals and tracking and measuring success, I am still capable of building a coaching business and making money. I have a fancy title. I hold a 50% stake in a loving and successful marriage. I co-own a house and a raft and a dog.

Looking back, none of those things were ever an explicit goal before I had them.

I got there by following the breadcrumbs and something I would now call “Feeling Goals.” In my case they are curiosity, joy, freedom, connection, among others.

What I am saying is this: Maybe you have tried and feel like you have failed (no such thing!) in setting and reaching goals.

Or maybe you have succeeded and now your are off to the next goal and the next and the next and are wondering when the joy will come.

Maybe you make reaching or not reaching a goal mean something about your value or right-/ wrongness.

What if your brain, like mine, just isn’t inspired by goals. Maybe your way to joy is not bound to a promotion in a job you don’t even feel anymore. Nor to making a million dollars. Or a thousand.

What if the real goal is to not have any but feeling ___________.

How do you want to feel? What is the next breadcrumb you can pick up on the path towards that feeling?

Don’t know? That's okay. There is still nothing wrong with you.

If you want to know, I can help. Reply to this email or use the link below to book a free session. I'd love to discuss how you can create your own feeling goals.
​

From my curious heart to yours,
​Sylke

​

p.s. I googled outcome goals vs. process goals for you to see examples from the productivity, sports, and other fields.

p.p.s. I will never tell a client or anybody to go fix themselves and I wrote about why in Curious a while back.